A chat with Matt Bagwell, Run Talk Run Brighton & Hove

Run Talk Run is lucky to have had the support of Matt with his breathwork workshops for Run Talk Run, which we all know to be restorative and calming in equal measure. What most of you probably don’t know, is that Matt also runs with the Brighton & Hove Run Talk Run on a Tuesday evening too. We are very fortunate to be given an insight into Matt’s journey through mental ill health and ongoing movement towards recovery.

Tell us a bit about your running and mental health journey so far…

The running story is probably a little simpler to tell. I have run since I was a kid. I didn’t excel in other sports and running was very accessible through university and adult life – I just kept going! Road running turned into marathons, marathons into triathlons and now, trail ultras.

My mental health story though is far more about endurance. 

My first experience of depression surfaced in my late teen at University, culminating in dark suicidal thoughts and a morning lying in the basin of a shower, ready to overdose. With love and support, I found my way back to a relative state of health, retook my final year and graduated. 

Unfortunately, anxiety and depression weren’t done with me and I had not thoroughly dealt with the root causes. Fast forward to my late 30s and the symptoms came to the fore again. While I tried to ‘put on a brave face’ in my role leading teams of people, with energy and bravado, the realty was that I was bound up in fear and compensating with alcohol. Think Fun Bobby from Friends. Despite the anti-depressants and the therapy, I stood on the edge often, staring into a mental abyss. I felt guilty, a burden and a failure, dangerously self-talking myself into destruction. Only the impact on my two lovely daughters avoided a tragedy. 

I consider myself in recovery now, with running and supporting others very much a part of my on-going self-care. I know exactly how it feels to believe that the best solution to life’s issues is suicide. I also know the joy that is possible in living. If I can help just one other person see and take a similarly positive path, using my running as a platform is worth every step.’ 

What brought you to Run Talk Run specifically? 

I loved the idea of making connections with people, without judgement. That one runner, just by sharing time and space, supports another. And, that while we might all have experiences of depression, it doesn’t have to be overtly discussed. I had invited people to join me for a weekly run, standing in all weathers at the same place at the same time, every week for months. Then I found a whole network of people already doing exactly that, so joined it! 

In what ways does running – and RTR - help you?

I have come to learn that - for me - the solutions to depression weren’t in a pill and that I need tools to manage my mind and its health as much as my body. Running is one of those tools; it’s therapeutic, mind over matter. When the body weakens, my strength of mind keeps me going – and vice versa. 

And RTR? I love feeling part of a community. Of friendship, of knowing that every week, we gather to chat and laugh as we jog up and down the sea front in Brighton. And being there to help and support that community; it feels grounding to be available and belonging. 

What would you say to anyone nervous about coming to a Run Talk Run? 

I get it. Meeting a new group of people can feel like a big thing to do. I felt the same way the first time I went. I also left smiling. Honestly, the people I run with are so friendly and the group is different each week. There’s no cliques and no judgement. We don’t scrutinise why people are there, we just say hello and natter. Take a deep breath… and join in!