Leader of Run Talk Run Queens Park

This week we are chatting with the leader of RTR Queens Park. Below she shares her story with mental health and what prompted her to set up her own RTR group.

Her Story:

To be honest, I didn’t have much of an awareness of mental health until I was in my mid-twenties. At the time, I went through a traumatic event and experienced a level of hopelessness and despair that I’d not previously known possible. When I was feeling slightly better, I reassured myself that there was nothing ‘wrong’ with my mental health, and that the feelings I’d been having were a natural response to what I’d been through, and perhaps, in many ways, they were. However, this was the first time I became aware of my mental health. Then, a couple of years later I found myself unable to sleep through the night, experiencing panic attacks, and bawling my eyes out in my doctor’s surgery. This resulted in me being diagnosed with anxiety and being signed off work. Initially, I thought my work environment was the cause of this. Now I realise that it wasn’t the root cause, but it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. At this point, I realised that anxiety had been a part of me for as long as I can remember, since I was very young child. The floods of tears at the thought of having to stay away from home, the knots in my stomach, the nightmares about my family dying, the worrying about things until I made myself sick, those were all anxiety. I just hadn’t been aware. For me, having a diagnosis was helpful and forced me to accept that what I’d been experiencing wasn’t normal and start on the long (and ongoing) journey to not letting anxiety rule my life.

For me, the power of talking and of feeling heard has been tremendously important for my mental health. I used to be afraid of being vulnerable and of sharing how I was feeling with anyone. I masked the pain and the feelings of inadequacy, and social anxiety, with alcohol. Now, minimising my alcohol intake, as well as having a husband, a close group of friends, supportive colleagues, and members of my local Run Talk Run community with whom I can share my feelings and be my full self has impacted my life in a hugely positive way. I am also privileged to have an amazing therapist who I’ve worked with long-term, which has been transformational.

Running became extremely important to me around 2015, at which time it was one of the only coping mechanisms I had for dealing with anxiety. The ‘safe space’ aspect of Run Talk Run really appealed to me, but I put off coming for a long time because I found rocking up to join a group of strangers hugely intimidating. When I finally managed to show up, I wasn’t disappointed. I attended the Southwark run. Everyone was so welcoming that I felt able to share how nervous I was feeling early on, and everyone really did seem to ‘get it’. This experience planted the idea of leading my own RTR in my head. Again, I failed to act on this for over a year because I felt inadequate and unsuitable. I finally plucked up the courage in March 2020 to start Run Talk Run Queens Park in London, and I can honestly say that I am so, so, SO very glad I did!

What surprised me about Run Talk Run was how open and friendly it was. The mental health conversation certainly isn’t forced - there’s no obligation to share more than you are comfortable with or even to participate at all. I was surprised how honest and open people were with me even the very first time I met them. It helped me feel almost immediately comfortable sharing about myself too. I left my first Run Talk Run, feeling surprised but extremely privileged that someone had felt comfortable to share a very personal and challenging story with me, and I hope they felt a little better knowing that they’d been heard.

Running is hugely important for me in terms of taking care of my mental health. Even more so since the pandemic - I now work from home full time so it’s often my only reason for leaving the house and getting some fresh air. I practice yoga to help me connect with the present moment and to improve my focus on my breath. I journal to get my thoughts out of my head and to help me work through my challenges. I try to surround myself with people who truly accept me for who I am. I no longer tolerate people who don’t respect my boundaries and who have a negative impact on my mental wellbeing. I try to stretch myself mentally and learn new things which interest me. I try to spend as much as possible out in nature and surrounded by animals :).

I’ve been there - and I imagine most Run Talk Runner’s have! I’d suggest reaching out to your local run leader on Instagram or Heylo in advance. When they know you’re coming they can look out for you, and if you’re nervous they may offer to meet up with you a little bit earlier. Run Talk Run really is different to your regular running club - it’s non-competitive, inclusive, welcoming, and filled with people who have an interest in and understanding of mental health. I know there’s nothing I can say that will take the nervousness away, but I have no doubt that once you’ve met your Run Talk Run group, it will gradually start to ease.